What Is an Obituary
An obituary is a published notice that announces someone's death and tells the story of their life. It typically includes their full name, age, date of death, birthplace, career highlights, education, hobbies, surviving family members, and funeral or memorial service details. Most obituaries run between 200 and 800 words, though length varies by publication and whether the family purchases a premium placement.
Unlike a death notice, which is a brief legal announcement, an obituary is a biographical narrative. It serves multiple purposes: it informs the community of the death, preserves a record of the person's life, and provides practical information for those who want to attend services or send condolences.
Role During Bereavement
Writing or reading an obituary often intersects with the early stages of grief. In the acute grief phase (the first weeks after death), many families find that composing an obituary helps them process the reality of the loss. It's a concrete task when emotions feel overwhelming, and it requires recalling meaningful details about the deceased's life, which can be grounding.
For some people, especially those experiencing complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder (where intense grief persists beyond 12 months), the obituary becomes a touchstone. Rereading it during difficult anniversaries or holidays can reconnect them with the person's legacy.
If you're tasked with writing the obituary, consider these practical elements:
- Work with 2-3 close family members to gather accurate dates, career information, and personal details
- Most newspapers charge $150-$500 for publication, depending on length and placement
- Submit to local newspapers, online platforms (Legacy.com, Dignity Memorial), and community bulletin boards
- Include specific achievements or qualities that mattered to the deceased, not generic phrases
- If the death was by suicide or addiction, you have control over how much detail to share. A grief counselor can help you navigate this decision
Connection to Practical Matters
The obituary sits at the intersection of grief and administrative responsibility. It's often one of the first tasks the family handles, sometimes within 24-48 hours of death. This timing can be difficult because you're making decisions while in shock.
The obituary also serves an estate function: it's a public record that notifies creditors, financial institutions, and government agencies of the death. Banks, insurance companies, and the Social Security Administration monitor obituaries. Having accurate information published helps prevent identity theft and ensures smooth probate processes.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by this task, grief counseling or bereavement support groups can provide both emotional support and practical help. Many hospices and funeral homes offer free guidance in writing obituaries.
Common Questions
- Can we mention a substance use disorder or suicide in the obituary? Yes. You control the narrative. Some families write "died of an overdose" to reduce stigma and honor their loved one's full story. Others use "died suddenly" or focus on recovery efforts. There's no wrong approach.
- What if we disagree about what to include? Have one primary contact (usually the executor or eldest child) make the final call with input from others. If conflict over the obituary reflects deeper grief or family tensions, a bereavement counselor can help mediate.
- Is there a deadline? Most newspapers publish obituaries within 3-7 days of submission. If you miss the newspaper deadline, you can still post to online memorial sites indefinitely. Don't feel rushed into a poorly written obituary.