What Is Obituary Writing
Obituary writing is the process of creating a published tribute that announces someone's death, summarizes their life, and often includes funeral service details. It can be written by family members, a funeral director, or a professional obituary writer. The obituary serves dual purposes: it's a public record of the person's passing and an opportunity to shape how they're remembered.
Unlike a death notice, which is a brief, factual announcement typically published in newspapers or online, an obituary tells a story. It captures accomplishments, relationships, personality, and legacy. Most newspapers charge $200 to $800 for obituary publication, though length and placement affect pricing.
Obituary Writing During Grief
Writing an obituary often happens within days of a death, which means family members may be in acute grief. The early phases of grief involve shock, denial, and difficulty concentrating. This timing can make obituary writing challenging. Some people find the task therapeutic, as it requires them to reflect on the deceased's life and contributions. Others experience it as overwhelming.
If you're working with a funeral home, their staff can guide you through what to include: full legal name, age, date of death, birthplace, education, career, military service, memberships, surviving family members, and service details. Most funeral homes help draft obituaries as part of their service.
Practical Steps
- Gather basic information: birth date, death date, birthplace, education, employment history, military service, hobbies, and community involvement.
- List surviving family members (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings) and predeceased family members.
- Decide which publications to use. Local newspapers remain standard, but online platforms like Legacy.com and Funeral Innovations reach wider audiences at no cost.
- Set a budget. Paid newspaper obituaries range from brief (under 150 words) to extended tributes (over 500 words).
- Choose submission deadline. Most newspapers require obituaries within 3 to 7 days of death.
- Review for accuracy before publication. Corrections after publication are difficult and expensive.
When Writing Feels Difficult
Complicated grief, which affects about 7 to 10% of bereaved people, can intensify feelings of numbness, difficulty remembering positive memories, or guilt about how the person lived. If you're experiencing complicated grief, completing an obituary may feel impossible. A grief counselor or bereavement support group can help you process these feelings while working toward completion.
Some families ask a funeral home staff member or professional writer to draft the obituary, then review and edit it. This removes the immediate burden while preserving family input. Others postpone the obituary and publish a simple death notice first, then expand to a full obituary later.
Common Questions
- Can we publish an obituary after the funeral? Yes. While most appear within days of death, you can publish later. Online platforms like Legacy.com accept obituaries indefinitely and are free to post.
- Who decides what goes in the obituary? The closest family members typically decide. Some families consult the deceased's wishes if they left guidance. Your funeral home can help mediate if family members disagree on content.
- Should we mention a death from suicide or substance use? This is deeply personal. Some families include it, others don't. Bereavement counselors can help you navigate this decision based on your values and what feels right for your family's story.